A reflection from a solo traveler past and present
Guest Blog Megan Arabian
Let’s start with expectations versus reality...what kind of solo traveler am I today and what kind of solo traveler did I used to want to be?
I ran to a thatched roof bar to dodge the pouring rain on the shore of sunset beach at Gili T. I ordered a watermelon juice as I pulled out and began to write in my journal while waiting for the rain to settle.
Other travelers had the same idea, seeking refuge at the bar. Three men and a fellow woman arrived separately, all ordering beers. The woman- young, pretty, slim and tan- held court among the three men as she ordered herself a shot of tequila, throwing it back without a wince. I eavesdropped on their conversation. She, a fellow Californian and an avid surfer, knowledgeable of the ins and outs of the waves. Discussing her last night festivities bouncing from one party to the next with new friends she met at her hostel.
A glimpse of my old self surfaced- I remembered this was the kind of woman and interactions I so desperately wanted to be/have as a young traveler...
I took a moment, as I listened to the rain pelt against the thatched roof, to notice my present disposition as I observed the neighboring camaraderie. There was neither judgement of myself nor jealousy of her, both character defects that would have ran rampant years prior.
I was content with my watermelon juice and genuinely enjoying being alone in my thoughts as I journaled. The old me would have said that was wrong, because I would have told myself I wasn’t enough; I would have compared and despaired into a dark downward spiral; I would have judged myself saying why aren’t I “skinnier”, tanner, “cooler”, a surfer, confident talking to men…and the list would go on.
Then drinking myself into oblivion just to drown the pain and the hope that these qualities would transform into existence...
The type of traveler I wanted to be is far from the type of traveler I have become.
Meaning that now when I’m planning a trip, I’m drawn to beauty (versus the party), I’m tugged to quiet corners of the world that are submersed in nature (versus crowded suffocating loud manufactured spaces), I’m pulled toward peaceful private rooms at boutique affordable bed and breakfasts (versus sweaty 20 bunk bed rooms found at hostels), I look for places that match the inner workings of my mind- which include stillness, stability and tranquility (versus places that matched a past mind that was loud, conflicted, critical and reluctant).
While age and maturity have something to do with this change, the truth is this transformation is a part of a larger context that occurred as I pulled myself out of the trenches of self loathing that took diligence, practice and hard work.
The descriptors in the parenthesis never felt authentic to my core and I felt like I was constantly trying on a travel style that didn’t fit me.
Instead of leading with my ego when I solo travel, I now lean into journeys and voyages that attract my heart.
The woman at the bar simply reminded me of an existence I thought I wanted. Also, there is nothing wrong with this type of solo traveler... as for me it’s just about letting go of expectations and flowing into what is natural versus forcing myself into a path that was never meant to be.
About the Author
Megan traveled to the Bliss Sanctuary in Bali, a retreat center for women and the Green School, in which she was able to learn and volunteer about sustainability design. Megan is the Youth Activities Manager for the Disney Cruise Line and a Leader for Challenge Day’s Be the Change Movement.
